So they say blood is thicker than water, who came up with that crap. Since Sue and Sarah were always in hiding from what people thought or said I really never grew up knowing any of my family. I’m not sure if they were shunned or just not wanted to face anyone that knew the whole “we’re not really sisters” story. It sucked not having grandparents, aunts and uncles. I always loved the idea of having grandparents and cousins to hang with.
Sarah said she used to be married when she was younger. She said she married young because of the pressure of society. She always stuck to the story of being married anytime her sexuality was questioned. Like if that would make her butchiness go away. Nah, she wasn’t butchy when she was raising me.
I always wondered who was the masculine role in that relationship. They both had masculine and feminine quality. Well, raised without a father did have an effect, but we will talk about this another day.
Well my mom and dad met in the military, I guess she was scouting for that one night stand (so she said) to get pregnant. From what I have been told my moms where casually dating in the army… Yes, gays have been in the army for a while. Once she found out I was in the picture I guess she went to Sarah and told her she was pregnant. Sarah was displeased of this but decided to give it try, knowing that she would probably never have a child of her own. And this is how everything started. I can tell you that parts of my life are fucked up because of them , but other parts have made me stronger and the great person I am today. I due hate that Sue never gave me the opportunity to know my father, but I gained one bad ass mother. Sarah, the book that I will write one day will be dedicated to you, the strongest woman I know.
Sleep overs are always fun… I was never allowed to sleep at anyone’s house so sleep overs where always held at mine. One night my best friend got up in the middle of the night To use the restroom and she encountered Sarah leaving Sue’s room. A week later my best friend asked me what I thought of that. At this point I believe we were about 16 or so, We both speculated to the thought of them officially being gay, but this was impossible… We were attending a baptist church all up against gay people. Our last weeks sermon was about that. My moms were church leaders and I , I , I was being taught against gay relationships. WTH!!!! Total confusion at this age. That night that my best friend told me about was the first time I considered that YES they might be gay. I started to look and observe everything they did. How could two people that were gay, teach or turn on themselves by teaching me that homosexuality was wrong? We went to church twice a week and yes at least once a week the dam pastor would pray for those sinful souls, those confused and heart full of demons… The gay community. As an adult now I can’t step in a church that will criticize or talk bad about gay people. I don’t get it, why that church. How much guilt did Sue and Sarah have? How much could one person hear of condemnation? Did they think they could change or maybe just keep the game going of fooling people?
I challenged my faith for a long time, now I just challenge the message. God loves all, we as humans judge and lack love. Love never turns their back on anyone, therefore God will never leave anyone hanging. God loves everyone!!! Gay,queer,queen,lesbian,dikes, ALL!
Till next time,
PS. Sorry for the rambling today and every other day. I hardly proof read, because if I do I would delete everything I wrote and never write it.
I have no recollection of my childhood before age 5 or so…I always joke with my mother about that. We have pictures of me as proof she says. But to her point I can’t ever remember what I had for dinner last night. The stories that I will share are very random and In no particular order. They might be a thought for the day or an event that really stuck out in my mind. Today I will talk about how I was lied to and her reasoning on why. I grew up thinking that my moms where sisters. Yes, they told me they were sisters. You might ask yourself until what point (age) did you believe that?? Believe it or not until I was late age in High School. No, I am not slow or lack common sense, but man did they play it off good.
I have always been very close to my non-biological mom, we will call her Sarah. My biological mom we will call her Sue. Sue and I always disagreed or thought differently about everything. She was an extremist, over protective and very very very stubborn. Sarah, was a bit more flexible, but always ended up going with what Sue said.
Growing up everyone would always ask why do you have two moms or why do you call them both mom? why not? My mom’s sister was very close to me and I loved her like a mother so calling her mom was not a big deal. I have always wondered if that Was what I really thought or was that what they pried into my head to say.
After a while, I was older I started to make up my own stories..more believable I guess. I would say I was adopted and I had two moms, one my biological and the other my adopted mom. I would even say that my biological mom was in the hospital for a long time when I was born ( like years ) and then I was adopted, so when my bio mom came out her sister adopted me and then we just lived together. I would say some other stories depending who and what situation I was in. I got really good at lying lets just say.
I just never understood why they couldn’t be upfront with me. Sarah says it was for my protection…really? or was it for yours? I still get angry at them for letting me look like a fool in front of so many people. No-one believed that lie they were saying, but for years it was repeated.
My one suggestion to parents in a same sex marriage or relationship is to be upfront with your child. Your child will not hate you for it. But then again, do people still hide this from their kids? I would love to hear from people that have gone through similar situations. If this is you, share your thoughts.
Let me start by saying that I totally love my Moms…yes plural, MOMS. I have 2! ( reader beware I use tons of sarcasm ). I am in my late 30’s writing this, so I have tons of things to say in this blog. Why in the hell am I writing this now you might be asking well…it is because she, her, they are not open to the idea (still in my 30’s) of talking about this or making it public. What is a girl to do??? well of course, blog about it! In this blog I will be writing of events, situations, troubles and things that effected me being raised in a gay relationship.